Well, that sad time of the year has returned: back to school time. Here are some booze-related gift ideas for the favorite professors in your life:

Buy a Community College Professor a Porcelain Party Cup – $10. This is not New England. You do things humbly around here and you’re proud to say your favorite cocktail ingredient is Mountain Dew. Amazon link.

Buy a Seminary Professor a Flask Disguised as a Book – $17. While Jesus was a wine man, some of your colleges haven’t developed the taste for fine Bourbon that you have. It’s best to keep this tipple on the bookshelf, particularly for sharing with likeminded individuals. Amazon link.

Buy an Ivy League Professor a Flask Tie – $25. You spend your time in important meetings and talking about important things. You’re a bestselling author and known for your academic prowess. You drink expensive Scotch, so it’s helpful to have some on you at all times. The flask tie holds a good volume of liquor (8 oz) in the front while concealing a Camelbak-style sip nozzle in the back for drinks on the run. Amazon link.